i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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