You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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