Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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