dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
