I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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