Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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