3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
