one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
