I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
