I wanna passion pit in your ass
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
