so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
