I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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