Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
