Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Congratulations! We have a period
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
