I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
