I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
