Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
