around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
