I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
