i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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