Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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