Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
