Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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