I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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