Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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