she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize