I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
