Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
