I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
