I'm gonna have a badass scar
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
