I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
