so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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