the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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