i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
