I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
