Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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