chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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