Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
love makes seman taste better
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
