OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
