I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
