you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
