my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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