I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
