i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
