I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am naked and annoyed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
