When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
