I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
don't judge my taste in strippers
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
