I love black thongs
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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