I feel great
I just peed on a car
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
