I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
