i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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