He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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