just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
