guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dignity is for republicans.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
