I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
