I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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