i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
