Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
