rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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