Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im holly from the hills drunk
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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