whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
