wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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