what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
