I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
