I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
