yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
