It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize