I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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